You can build strong support systems for your children by creating reliable connections with trusted adults and making it easy for children to ask for help. You can also build support through school and community activities and teach children to build their own networks over time.
A study by Zablotsky et al., published in the National Health Statistics Reports, found that 58.5% of teenagers reported always or usually receiving the social and emotional support they needed. This can have a profound effect on how they grow up and shape the adults they become. The problem with teens is that they can be withdrawn and not vocal about their needs, so it's hard to tell if they have good support systems or not.
What Does Lack of Support Look Like?
A lack of support is often more subtle than obvious. For example, a child might have adults constantly around them, but they may still feel like nobody listens to them or takes them seriously.
Signs can include:
- Withdrawing from family conversations
- Reluctance to ask for help
- Frequent self-criticism
- Believing they have to handle challenges alone
If a child lacks consistent parenting support, they may also be hesitant to trust others or express their needs. They may feel this way especially if their parents rarely attend important events and dismiss their emotional struggles.
How Can You Build Strong Support Systems for Your Children?
Maybe you've realized that your kids don't have the strong support systems they need and deserve. These are the ways you can build a positive environment for them.
Create Reliable Connections With Trusted Adults
Children don't just need their parents to rely on; they also benefit from having several dependable adults they can turn to. Be proactive and nurture relationships with:
- Grandparents
- Other relatives
- Family friends
- Teachers
- Coaches
- Mentors
You can naturally do so by introducing your kids to supportive adults through:
- Activities
- Sports
- Hobbies
- School communities
You can even bring them along while volunteering and helping out the local community.
Allow your children to develop these relationships independently. This can help them become more comfortable seeking assistance outside the immediate family.
Make It Easy for Children to Ask for Help
A support system works best when kids feel comfortable using it. This starts with you; when your children come to you about mistakes or problems, respond calmly.
Don't just immediately take over, either. Ask your children what type of help they want and involve them in the solution-finding process.
If you want every interaction to feel less like an interrogation, consider holding regular check-ins. These can help them discuss sensitive issues.
As your kids get older, teach them how to identify the right people to contact in various circumstances and how to explain what they need.
Build Support Through School and Community Activities
You can easily expand your child's support network by encouraging them to explore activities that match their interests. This can mean:
- Sports
- Music
- Arts
- Science
- Clubs
- Volunteering
Not only can they meet peers, but they can also develop relationships with responsible adults. For example, they can join a non-denominational Christian church with youth leadership to grow as a person. These community resources can be especially valuable when families need specialized assistance.
What's important is that your kids find activities that provide a healthy environment where they feel respected and included.
Teach Children to Build Their Own Networks Over Time
In the beginning, it's okay for you to manage your children's support networks. Over time, though, you should shift to teaching them how to create and maintain one themselves. This includes:
- Recognizing trustworthy behavior
- Setting boundaries
- Maintaining healthy friendships
- Communicating clearly
- Knowing when to involve a responsible adult
If your kids are older, then they should also learn how to access appropriate school, community, or professional resources if their needs exceed what their family and friends can handle. When they know how to maintain friendships and connections outside the immediate household, this can make their social world more resilient.
Frequently Asked Questions
What Are the Four Types of Support Systems?
The four types of support systems are:
- Emotional: Involves empathy, reassurance, encouragement, and having someone who will listen without judging or dismissing concerns
- Practical: Consists of tangible assistance (e.g., transportation, help with schoolwork, childcare, meals, or getting through a difficult situation)
- Informational: Provides useful knowledge, guidance, feedback, or resources that help a child understand and manage a challenge
- Social: Gives children opportunities to develop friendships, participate in groups, and feel connected to a wider community
It's common for these categories to overlap, too. When a child has a strong network, not every person has to fulfill every role.
What Is the 7-7-7 Rule for Parents?
The 7-7-7 rule for parents is a relationship guideline that parents can use to protect time for their partnership while raising children. The general idea is:
- Having a date every seven days
- Spending a weekend away together every seven weeks
- Taking a longer vacation together every seven months
Because it's just a guideline, families can adapt this rule according to their:
- Finances
- Schedules
- Childcare arrangements
- Needs
The goal is to create intentional opportunities for partners to reconnect.
What Is the Healthiest Parenting Style?
The healthiest parenting style is authoritative parenting, as it combines:
- Warmth
- Responsiveness
- Clear expectations
- Consistent boundaries
It allows children to express their thoughts while still having age-appropriate rules and consequences.
Do note that this is different from authoritarian parenting, which emphasizes obedience and strict control. It's also different from permissive parenting, which involves warmth with fewer limits.
Parenting styles aren't fixed categories, though, and families may adjust theirs based on the child's:
- Age
- Temperament
- Culture
- Circumstances
Help Your Kids With Their Support Systems
Growing up can be tough, even if your children have a safe environment. Everyone needs solid support systems, but especially children. By teaching them how to find responsible and reliable adults, you can ensure that your children have the resources they need when times get tough.
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