Failure To Launch?
They're both good old Southern boys, neither likes to shave and they just can't make up their minds. Roger Clemens and Brett Favre continue to toy with the media and pad their egos by not announcing their plans for 2006. Since this is a baseball column, we'll stick to Clemens who, on the surface, appears to be struggling with the decision. You have to think, however, he's just waiting until the May 1 deadline passes before inking an inevitable deal with the Astros. In light of the facts, nothing else really makes sense. Remember, the Rocket was set to retire after the 2003 season, but was coaxed down to Houston by Andy Pettitte and a sweetheart deal that allowed him to spend considerably more time at his nearby home. So you know he's not going anywhere else, and if he wanted to retire the future Hall of Famer likely would have done it by now.

Hernandez: Put In His Place
In light of Keith Hernandez's recent "I won't say women belong in the kitchen, but they don't belong in the dugout" comment, I am beginning to wonder if he took a remark he made over a decade ago on an episode of "Seinfeld" a little too literally. The scene is Hernandez's car, having just completed a successful first date with Elaine Benes who is seated to his right, the former All Star contemplates going in for the good night kiss and, after some internal deliberation concludes, "I am Keith Hernandez, I won the MVP '79, I can do whatever I want." He succeeded that time and got a second date, but this is reality and nobody is laughing.

Did He Need Help Running The Bases?
On April 20, at the age of 47 years and 240 days, Mets first baseman Julio Franco became the oldest player in major league history to hit a homer, breaking the mark held by 1920s-era knuckleball pitcher Jack Quinn. Franco began his career in 1982 with the Phillies, did stints in Cleveland (twice), Texas, Chicago's South Side and Milwaukee before spending the entire 1998 season out of the big leagues and receiving just one at-bat with the Devil Rays in 1999. After playing in Korea in Mexico, the Braves resurrected the former batting champ's career late in the 2001 season. While it seemed more like a novelty act at the time, Franco hit .292 in four seasons in Atlanta before inking a deal with the Mets over the winter. Oh yeah, and he's under contract for next year.