Dear Double Take,

My boyfriend bites and picks his nails and cuticles nonstop, it seems. I don't like to criticize him too much, but I can't help but find it really annoying. Sometimes I hold his hand when I see him picking so he'll get the hint. He knows it's a bad habit, but he can't stop. Is there anything I can do, or am I destined to date a guy who desperately needs a manicure?

ALANA SAYS:
I can relate to this one. My special guy is a knuckle-cracker -- although he has yet to admit he has a problem. What is it with these guys and their nervous habits?

I guess the biggest question here is whether your boyfriend wants to stop. If he does, you can help him investigate several avenues.

Try starting a contest. If he doesn't bite his nails all day (or better yet, all week), he gets to choose the TV show or movie of the night. Or maybe he'd like to challenge you to drop a similar habit.

You can also find all kinds of strange products on the market that declare they'll help the biter kick the habit. If your honey's into it, you could have fun experimenting together with these products.

If the over-the-counter remedies don't work, it may be time to dig deeper. Is the boy over-stressed? It could be that, to cure the biting, your man should cure the stress first. I've even read that hypnosis helps some people stop nibbling.

But if your man resists, claiming that you're trying to change him, you may be at the end of your line. You can't trick anyone into ending this kind of a habit -- trust me, I've tried.

There's no need to condone the behavior, but it'll do you no good to criticize. Keep grabbing that hand to hold -- there's never anything wrong with that -- so he knows it still bugs you, but that's about all you can do.

EDDIE SAYS:
Sounds like your man has something of an oral fixation, especially with the biting thing going on. Does he gnaw on pens and pencils too? Some ladies aren't sure they want their men to break that habit, and if this wasn't a family Web site I'd go into further detail for you, but you should be able to get my drift.

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Make a big deal of it if you wish, but if you're able to look past it and focus on his more adorable habits, like the way he raises one eyebrow just a bit as he smiles at you, or the way he flips the hair out of his eyes when he talks, you might realize how his fingers look is less important than what he does with them -- like give you killer backrubs, for example.

Dear Double Take,
So, I've got this girlfriend. I love her and all, and not much could disrupt that, but I want her family to like me. I thought I had that working until I hit a snag.

There's this sister, Lila, and she appears to be the only one who hasn't taken to me. The rest of the family is so adorable and sweet, but Lila has this emotional, selfish way about her and told me flat-out that she finds me "iffy."

Should I care so much about what Lila thinks? Should I go out of my way, catering to her personality, or just be myself?

EDDIE SAYS:
It all depends. Are you the type of person who bases your self-worth on the opinions of others? Or do you think you're good enough, you're smart enough, and -- dog-gone-it -- people like you?

It sounds to me like you're doing pretty well if only one person in your girlfriend's family finds you "iffy." And anybody who would hold out an opinion like that despite the feelings of the rest of her family must have her own share of issues. Unless Lila has an inordinate amount of influence on your s.o., don't sweat her attitude toward you.

And if your current relationship turns into something more long term, then you can consider applying the full-court press on Lila. Until then, save your charm for your gal and let her sister stew in the corner with all of her idiosyncrasies.

ALANA SAYS:
Come on, now. Isn't the best advice always to "just be yourself"?

Don't fret, my friend. Of course you want everyone who is important to your lady to like you, but that's really not very realistic. But at least you have the major players on your side, right? If you've won over mom and dad, you're probably home free.

I'd say, take the cue from your girlfriend. Is she equally disturbed by Lila's reaction? Or has she advised you to blow it off? Your lady knows her sister best; she'll steer you in the right direction.

And chances are Lila will come around as you spend more time with the family, and as she sees the rest of the troops falling in line.

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view, one from Eddie, a married family man in his 30s, and one from Alana, a single woman in her 20s.

E-mail questions to doubletake@ibsys.com. A new column is published every Wednesday.

Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.

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