I've never been big on math, but I am amazed at how critical it is to our psychology.

It isn't enough to be the best at something, we want to be "No. 1." And if we come in second, we try harder.

I have a friend with a son in third grade at a very liberal school in the South. Teachers do not give their students grades, and they discourage competition. But ask the boy, and he'll tell you exactly where everyone ranks in his class.

"Jane always aces her math homework. Jack never finishes his science assignments on time," he'll say.

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In college, arguing over the difference between an A- and a B+ is an art form, and as adults we do the same thing with salaries. We think that the amount of money we earn actually means something about us. We negotiate over pennies per week as if our self-esteem is entirely dependent on being paid (i.e., worth) $18.25 an hour.

And this counting has another downside. We keep track of absolutely everything.

It isn't just that we have spawned an entire industry of day planners and calendars, it's that we think we can't live without them. We act like our world will stop spinning if we don't note what time soccer begins, how many calories were in the chicken salad we ate, or how much we spent on stamps.

I'm not opposed to having some general sense of where your money goes or how much food you consume, and I think it's good to have an idea of your schedule, if only so you don't offend the people you care about by missing important moments or milestones. But, I think our over-quantifying has a qualitative cost.

If you actually keep track of how many times someone has wronged you, or how many times per week you and your partner make love, you begin to lose the essence of a relationship. I'm not a big "Love Story" fan, but when Erich Segal wrote, "Love means never having to say you're sorry," what I think he meant was, "No one's keeping score."

When marriages or jobs become a matter of tallying up who does the most laundry or bags the biggest commission, people start to feel bad about their unique contributions.

How do you measure your child's first word? By the syllables?

How do you evaluate cuddles? By the ratio of hugs to kisses?

And what about reading? Are the total pages per book related to the pleasure you get from perusing it? I don't think so.

Albert Einstein once said, "Not everything that counts can be counted. Not everything that can be counted counts."

I agree 100 percent.

Julie Moos is a thirtysomething who lives with her husband and son. Her column appears every other Thursday.